http://iljyakarzakov.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] iljyakarzakov.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] spicy_holo 2015-10-20 02:32 pm (UTC)

Хороший стих, но очень много лишних запятых (((
В четвёртой строке, наверное, "о нем" должно быть.
И "лето глядит... глазами..." как-то не очень.
(15 comments)

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